Thursday, 24 December 2009

YAY Christmas is finally here

Merry Christmas everyone, be thankful for those you share christmas with and be nice to everyone you meet. This time of year is about spreading good will, just like when they stopped fighting for the day in world war one. Say merry christmas to loads of people be happy and hug people, especially if they look sad.

Christmas is going to be good this year because I decided it will be. I found blake, (my little vampie ji ball jointed doll) she was packed away with all the christmas decorations so when I opened the box to decorate the tree she was right there. She's been hibernating for an entire year, thats a pretty impressive sleep.

I got my husband loads of really dull things and I feel bad that theres nothing exciting for him to open but I hope he likes what he's got. My parents food that I got them never came because of bad weather, asda told me they would deliver it today between 10am and 2pm and its currently 2:45pm so im a bit stressed about that because if the food doesnt come then my parents wont have any food for christmas and that'd make them sad I guess and me sad too. I hope it comes.

the snow is thawing which is good for all those needing to travel I hope everyone gets to their intended destinations and has a wonderful time, but I better go wrap stuff and be organised and stuff.

Love you all

Thursday, 17 December 2009

oooh where'd those cm's go?

There was something I was going to blog about thats really important, but its slipped my mind for the time being.  Hello there, do you remember me?  No?  Don't blame you.  I've not been around very much at all in terms of dieting these past couple of weeks, fallen off the bandwagon so to speak, the said bandwagon reversed and ended up running over me. LOL least thats how it feels.  I put on 2 pounds this week.  I was going to say I stayed the same, but I would only be lying to myself.  Its that bloomin alcohol that does me in.  Beer in vast quantities.  and my laziness creeping back on me. you see if theres no food in the house we end up just going out for a meal instead of shopping for food to make meals with.  I suck huh.  yep I suck bad.  But the odd thing is even though i've put on 2 pounds this week i've actually lost a cm off my hips and waist.  So I guess I cant complain too much...well actually I cant complain at all for the +pounds this week are all my own fault.

That means though that since starting this diet at the end of september i've lost 10cm off my hips.  Thats tonnes! A little shocking and I cant wait for next week cause we're going to pauls parents for xmas and they havent seen me since I started to lose weight so they might notice.

Friday, 11 December 2009

What a week

Sorry I haven't been around everyone, seriously, work has just sucked all the life out of me this week.  to the point where i've trudged home most nights on the verge of tears.  I'm not going to put up with that anymore so come the new year i'm looking for a new job.  i've had enough of the high level of crap and low level of pay.  I'm a specialist.  the place I work is the only place in the entire country, (let me re-iterate.....ENTIRE COUNTRY) to be accredited for certain tests we do, yet i'm barly paid more than starbucks or checkout staff.  That doesnt seem right to me. So yep i'm gonna go work in sainsburies, or something.  I dunno.  It sucks.
Food has gone well and truely up the swan what with  chinese meal on monday, no food whatsoever on tuesday due to camden gig running till midnight and having not eaten before hand, thai meal on wednesday and curry on thursday.  Well and truely messed that up.  Ack well, back on the bandwagon today so we'll see how it goes over the weekend.
Xmas is only 2 weeks away and that realisation has suddenly hammered on the PANIC button and a string of obscenities as dawning realisation that i havent bought anything sets in.  I'm sure it'll be fine.

Anyway i'm gonna be back properly now so I shall catch up on everyones blogs.  Sorry for being rubbish.

Monday, 7 December 2009

WI oooh unexpected

4lbs off this week!!
 I had put on a pound last week to put me back up at the 12 stone 9 but this week I am 12 stone 5 so thats pretty spiffy.  i'm certainly not complaining about that.  But  I havent been following points at all, this past week has just been so manic that I havent been eating properly and even skipped a meal or two just because i've been to shattered to cook.  I havent done any exercise this past week due to being achey and sick, so all in all i've done really poorly on the whole "healthy living" side of my life.
It also means that my 12 stone 2 goal that I wanted to get to before xmas is looking slightly more doable than it had been last week.  So i'm getting back into my exercising, gonna eat properly and staying off the beer.  I have my first camden gig 2moro night and i'm planning on wearing my rockabilly dress.  It would go lovely with my new jacket but i'm not allowed it.
We're staying at pauls mum and dads for xmas this year which is great because I always feel more restraint infront of his parents than I do infront of my own so I think xmas should be an okay experience for food, and alcohol i'm going to try to steer clear of.  I guess i've still got a couple of weeks to come up with a proper battle plan but with my new weight loss behind me its giving me the positivity to keep aiming for my goal even through this tricky point of the year.

Oooh and my paragraph avoidance didnt last very long.  I'm going to have to work on a different new years resolution instead.

Sunday, 6 December 2009

Shopping Success!

I know what i'm getting for xmas. I know because we got it yesterday. I convinced paul that we needed to go into Camden so I could retrieve the jacket that was destined to be mine. We found some really good shoes but they didnt go down to my size so they were too big which was a bit of a shame. But the jacket is now sitting upstairs because I cant wear it until I unwrap it at xmas. We also found another jacket that paul got me for xmas too, so I have 2 jackets for xmas and they're both super ace and I wanna wear them all the time but I cant even show you pictures because im not allowed the stuff till xmas. I only have 2 more things on my xmas list, Spud. hes a toy dog. I saw him in the window of a chemist shop and instantly knew his name and knew he had to be here with me. Then he dissapeared out of the window but I saw him again so hes still there. His name is spud and he has to be here. And the last thing on my list is tales of symphonia 2. Its a wii game and I need it. Yep. End of story. Thats my list. Goldfish i'm not allowed and I dont think paul is gonna budge on that one so i'm giving up bugging paul for one. Maybe one day i'll get one...possibly when he's not looking and away for a weekend and then a goldfish can just follow me home by accident and have stay over. I dunno. I'll work something out. I've also decided to forgo paragraphs for the rest of the year. Thats my new years resolution you see, to use paragraphs, so I have stop using them for a while so that people will notice the difference. Today I made my first ever money from my music. I got a whole 37p because some nice person (you know who you are) bought a digital download of my song that i've been plugging a lot recently. If you go to my music site ( you can buy my song. So yay. 1 whole person liked it enough to pay money for it. Thats awesome. Thankyou. I have a lot of music to sell before I start seeing any profit. I'm guessing the whole thing is gonna cost around the £500 so i'm making 100 CDs and i'm selling them for £5 so that means I break even right? So where does profit come into this?.....errr it doesnt aparantly. Maybe I should have thought this through. Thats why I've made the music downloadable, even though paypal take 22p from every 59p I get I still get more than if I'd put it through itunes. But I put my song up on craftster because its all made by me and my god what a response. It ended up being on the front page of the site and that really did make my day so many people said so many wonderful things to me and everyone keeps comparing me to that kimya dawson girl who sings on juno, I checked her out and yep I do sound like her. And there was me trying to be original....Did I mention my new jacket...oooh its so sparkly lovely. Also I have audits to do 2moro and they're gonna suck big chunky ones. I hate SG's fiddly little test that i've managed to avoid the audit on for 4 years because i've had other staff to do that audit but now that there are no staff its just me thats left to do them. This sucks monumentally. SUCK SUCK SUCKY SUCK

Friday, 4 December 2009

Nestle liked it

So Nestle watched my kitkat video and said they thought it was fantastic.  They said they're going to send me kitkats in the post. Free chocolate when you're on a diet isn't a great idea but i'm really happy that they were nice enough to do that.  They also said they couldnt make my video into an advert though because they have to go through their official advertising channels.  Fair enough, free chocolate will do...for now.  I shall hunt down their advertising agency and try my luck there.  You never know unless you try right?

This weekend I've convinced darling husband to come into camden market/lock with me tomoro so I can buy him jeans for xmas and he can buy me a jacket.  I saw it last week but couldnt buy it but tried it on and fell in love with it.

It kinda looked like this but was a deep tartan.  It made me look so slim because of the flared out waist I adored it instantly.  Theres also shoes I found that I have been searching for for years and they were on sale for £14 but I couldnt get them and i'm just praying they are still there 2moro.

Xmas is sorted now.  We're going to pauls family for xmas and going to a  friends  new years party and we'll see my family sometime soon in the new year (well probably march)  Pauls family is so much more sedated than mine. My family up north is very chaotic but I guess thats because my sisters are all still so young so arguments can be quite unexpected and volitile.

Eating has been going really well I'm hoping for a loss this week, but exercise I havent done hardly any what with flu/acheyness for most of the week I really couldnt face/couldnt be bothered to do exercise but I shall start agan properly on sunday.
Tonight I have a party I am going to.  In fact I should be heading out the door now.  I'm not going to drink very much at all, and so should probably go get ready.

Hope everyone has an ace weekend and will see you on monday for my weigh in.

Wednesday, 2 December 2009


What a response, my comedy  kitkat song has already got over 200 youtube hits which makes it my most successful endevour so far.  Thankyou to nayone who has been plugging it for me.  I got a major boost when one of my most favourite music artists (Al baker and the dole queue) plugged it on his twitter page, it made me feel all fangirly.  I promise I will stop harping on about the song soon enough but just let me have this one last blog then I will resume diet moaning.  If anyone could send it round to their mates (for I have a surprising few of them, not quite sammy no mates, but my circle of friends are really like a select few) I'd be really appreciative.  I must admit since making the movie I havent eaten any chocolate.  I just couldnt face any. which has got to be a good thing

Life is really pretty good at the moment.  Except that yesterday I may have lost my iphone noooooooooo....I guess when I get into work today I will find out if I have or not because it will either be on my table or it wont be.  (prays please me there please be there please be there)  I still majorly ache and my nose is runny and my left eye insists on watering a lot so perhaps that walking on saturday isnt whats made me achy but in fact that im actually ill.  I dunno I tend to ignor flu type symptoms and they get the hint and go away.  If I take a lemsip then im in trouble and whatever sickness I have hits me with everything its got so I tend not to take medication and that seems to work for me.
I have an open uni tutorial tonight i'm pretty excited about it.  I've never been to one before so it'll be ace finally meeting some of the people on my course and it turns out the lady who'se doing the final rearrangement for my music album cover happens to be on the same course as me. W e've never met so its a bit of an odd coincidence that we live in the same town doing the same course at the same time.  Odd.

Monday, 30 November 2009

Kitkat Kitkat be my friend

I finally finished recording my album.  Its all done and sunday I spent all day taking pictures of kitkats for my kitkat song. I finally finished editing the video about half an hour ago and I would like to show you lovely people my hard work.  It took forever and I have to admit 2 of the kitkats ended up in my tummy but considering I used 9 kitkats only 2 of them ending up in me isnt that much of a disaster.  I'd really appreciate if you could watch my video and you know give it a star rating or a comment or something cause I really spent forever on this and i'm actually quite proud of the end product.  The song was written by me and played by me and yeah its just something I never thought i'd really ever do.

In terms of my magical mystery tour my mate Mark took me to london for the day. We started out in hampsted heath at 10:30am and walked around the park then walked to camden and around the lock and market and then walked to morning crescent where we got a tube train to covent garden and walked to the london aquarium wandered around that (I love aquariums they really chill me out) then walked back to hampsted.  It was lashing it down with rain by that point (7pm-ish) and as we walked down the street a guy came off him motorbike and the bike came right up to the pavement but luckily didnt hit us.  Mark ran out into the road to stop the cars that were hurtling towards the motorbike guy in the street. and the guy got up and got help putting his bike up the right way.  He stopped and we chatted for five minutes or so and then he went on his way.  it was bizarre.  im not sure he should have gotten back on the bike, shock takes more than 5 minutes to set in.  I hope he got home safe.  Anyway because it was raining we stopped in a pizza express restaurant and I had a vitabella (which is a pizza with the middle cut out and salad in its place) it was super lovely.  I love chargrilled vegetables especially yellow pepper and corgette and aubergene. 
Today was weigh in day and I actually put on a pound.  Other than that pizza and those two kitkats I ate I have been saintly in terms of my eating so i'm guessing it might be the fact that I spent all day on saturday walking (I kid you not from 1030 right through till about 8 we didnt sit down once) I left my pedometer at home that day (I was annoyed when I realised it wasnt on my belt cause I guess I must have clocked up 15000 steps no problem)
Anyway not a problem the pound will go away this week I have no doubt, but today I really really ache.

Anyway hope everyones having an ace week. Lets make this a good one huh.

Saturday, 28 November 2009

Magical Mystery Tour

I'm off today, into london apparantly.  I don't know where or what we're doing but i've been told to wrap up warm.  My husband is off to coventry today to sort out more train stuff so one of my closest male friends said he'd take me out and we'd do fun stuff.  I don't know what he has planned, so I dont know how to plan eating wise.  So I am going to have to wing it.  Should be interesting.  I determined to lose a pound this week so I have to be strong today.  Tommorrow I will be keeping busy all day making a music video, the problem is I'm making a stop animation music video with kitkats.  LOL how many kitkats will survive till the end of the production or will I have to keep popping out to buy new ones.  I have to be really really strong.  Kitkats are a weakness of mine, hence writing a song about them.  If I can get through this weekend then I will be really pleased with myself.

And blimey its cold today. 

Friday, 27 November 2009


First off thankyou to those who commented on my last blog, it really means a lot that people bother to read my rantings about my past, times were tough at points but i'm glad that all happened to me, it made me who I am today. *hugs*

This is a poem I wrote a while ago.  Its about life and what it means to me...


What is music? Leaves on a breeze.
Birdsong consuming the air that we breathe.
The sound of laughter, of children at play.
The colours of dusk at the end of each day.

What is happiness? Eternal love.
Peace and goodwill, snow white turtle doves
Heart shaped balloons, icecream and cake.
Little girls smiling, swans on a lake.

What is hate? Conflict with guns.
Being kept in the dark, from the light of the sun
Fighting and cursing. Killing and Dying.
Friends torn apart, little kids crying.

But what is life? Guns on a breeze
Fighting consuming the peace that we breath
Killing and Icecream, Cursing and Cake
Little girls dying, swans on a lake.

It shows that even though there are some really wonderful things in this world, equally there are some really horrible things too, but through it all, even the toughest times there will always be hope.

I mention this because in America its been thanksgiving recently and everyones thankful for the wonderful things in their lives, but the tough times are important too.  I think, when I look at my life, that its only through the points where I really struggled that I learnt the true value of the wonderful things.  So many times in my life I wanted to die, but friends and family pulled me through.  tough points in my life I learnt who I was by my actions.  I learnt (and I don't want to be conceited but i fear this is gong to sound very mch so) ..I learnt that I actually like who I am. 

Sure i'm a bit on the podgy side but I think everything else is pretty good.  I have an almost whimsical notion of life, you know where please and thankyou are important, holding open doors for people who need it, saying good morning to people in the street, always holding true to always being true to yourself, sticking your neck out for your friends.  I like that about me.  I have a seriously over-reactive imagination, when i'm left in the house by myself I often freak myself out with ideas of ghosts or other creepy things.  I never worry about rapists or murderers or know the real things.  No I always worry about ghosts and goblins LOL I'm odd like that, but again I like the fact that i'm odd

I also like that i'm not afraid to stick out, I spent my whole school life being bullied at school, if it wasn't for being podgy and having braces on my teeth and glasses and having a posh english accent in a rough scottish school, signing up to the chess, debating, public speaking and scrabble club, really sealed the deal for me. hehehe, to be honest I probably would have beaten me up if I hadnt already been me.  Paint a giant red target on me and have done with it.  But bullying stopped me worrying about fashion and fitting in, I knew I was never going to be accepted so I didnt let it bother me.  Thats carried me to my adulthood and now I wear stuff that I want to wear not what the masses dictate and I like that about me. It gets me odd looks from time to time and the odd shout from some yob across the street but in the end i'm actually, overall, pretty happy about me.

In the wise words of eeyore from winnie the pooh....

"the good thing about rain is that it always eventually ends"

So no matter how tough life gets, just keep being you and things'll work out, because its okay to be who you are.

Oh and I made a dinosaur..well crochetted one, shes called raaawrbeena, like ribena but with a rawr, I felt this post needed a picture of a dinosaur  just to finish it off nicely LOL.

Thursday, 26 November 2009


I was thinking about my family today.  I live very far away from all of them, well 8 hours on a bus or 2 hours on a plane, but plane flights from london to aberdeen are horrendously expensive for some reason.  I could easily get a return to spain and still have change in my pocket for the amount of money a flight to aberdeen costs.  Yeah...doesn't make sense does it? I can't work out that one either.

But I've been thinking about my family a lot recently.  They're all really poor and stuck in a never ending cycle of doom up there and I can't really do much about it, now that I live so far away.  Last christmas for my mum and dads xmas presents I got them 100 pounds worth of tescos shopping. I bought them a full xmas dinner and lots of nice food to eat because they told me all they were eating was rice because that was all they could afford.  People in this country, in this day and age should not just be eating rice.  It upset me soo much I cried for days.  I always feel guilty when I phone them up to talk to them and they tell me that they're all on antidepresants up there and none of them have jobs and the baliffs had been round again or that some other debt collector was threatening to take them to court.  I dont know how they got into such a financial mess.  And then when they ask me what i've been doing I feel like I cant tell them that i'v been to see a west end show or to a gig or out for a meal, because thats just cruel.  So I dont tell them all the cool things i've been doing, I just lie and say i'v been working alot and nothing else.

And now i'm crying...

I remember this one time I got phoned up at 8am in the morning by some debt collection agency saying I owed them 500 pounds.  now i have never bought anything I cant afford, i've never got anything on credit, just seeing my family get into so much debt I promised myself I wouldnt be the same, so I was skeptical of this guy demanding my bank details over the phone to pay a debt i had never heard of.  I asked the man what my name was and what the debt was for and he said my name susan G  and it was a littlewooods catalogue order.  My heart stopped for a second.  Thats my mums name, mine was samantha G until I got married, as a result she was often using my initials for things, but I'd never reckoned on her spending that much in my name.  I asked for a number I could call him back on and he gave me one and said if the debt wasnt paid by the end of the day it would effect my credit rating.  I hung up and phoned my mum. asked her if she had bought anything from littlewoods and after going quiet for a bit she owned up that she had bought loads of bedding and curtains under my name.  She said she'd pay and I asked how and she didnt know.  So I paid the bill.  Since getting married she hasnt been able to do that.

Sorry....i'm side tracking...  But this year I am gong to get them food again for xmas, I know technically this is a diet blog and I shouldnt be promoting crap food, but once in a while it would be nice to have a biscuit or indulge a little.  My family cant afford to indulge, so I will make sure they have lots of good stuff to eat over the festive season.

I love my parents completely and utterly but equally I realise they are flawed.  When you're a kid growing up you assume your parents are gods.  they can fix any problem, everything will be okay so long as they are there.  You see them through rose tinted glasses, but yesterday I suddenly realised that when my mum was my age (28) she had 4 kids.  4 KIDS.  She was a human being, a mother yes, but a human being.  She wasnt flawless she probably made mistakes, she was probably scared a lot of the time and trying to muddle through as my dad was off traipsing the world in the armys 1 para.  She had to raise the 4 of us by herself, for 8 years of my life.  I remember having a father daughter relationship with a tape player because of the amount of tapes my mum used to record of me and my sisters singing or telling the tape player what we had done at school recently so she could send the tapes to Norway or Kenya or hong kong for my dad to listen to. yet when my dad came home I couldnt get enough of him.  He was awesome.  he could solve anything, do anything, he was my idol.  Which I think is a shame on my mum, my mum raised me for my young childhood yet I would do anything for my dad when he was around.

When he left the army and we moved to scotland he got very very sick. the last trip he had been to had been kenya and whilst he was there a bug had laid an egg under his skin, it had travelled through his blood system, got lodged in his brain where the bug eventually hatched and started eating chunks of his brain.  I know it sounds like somthing out of  a horror movie but thats what happened.  I remember waking up one sunday morning coming downstairs and my mum was in tears, she told me dad had been rushed into hospital he'd had a stroke and pneumonia and he was in a coma and probably going to die.  I remember feeling numb.  I didnt cry I wasnt scared I just wasnt feeling whatsoever.  He was in a coma for 10 days then woke up, but it wasnt my dad, he slowly got better over the course of 6 months he came home but he still wasnt my dad.  he was cruel and had memory loss (to the point where he had found naked pictures of my mum that he had taken and thought she'd been having an affair while he had been in hospital.  to this day I still have nightmares about the screaming match that took place because of those photos....and now i'm crying agan...)

Eventually me my sisters and my mum got used to this new dad, even though he was quick to fly off the handle and though he never hit any of us he did trash things like doors and chairs  I think he was scared to hit us, we'd probably never get back up again.  I mention this because throughtout the illness throughout the fights I still idolised my dad, I kept willing him to go back to the way he was, kept thinking he'd eventually get better properly and be the dad that used to play hide and seek with me or tell me bedtime stories of the hobbit using a sock on his hand.  My mum went through sooo much but it was still my dad that I aspired to make proud.

I didnt realise I had rambled so long.  i'm sorry.  Sometimes its cathartic to just get some of this out.  I love my parents, I love my life, but I wish I could make my parents lives better.  I  just dont know how.  I know if I could give them dreams, goals perhaps then it would make them try to change their priorities.  I want to make their life easier, just for a little bit so that they can get off the antidepresents and start living.  But I cant live someone elses life for them I think its something they have to do.

Signing out for now, now that i've thoroughly upset myself.

Wednesday, 25 November 2009


Geocaching?  Have you heard of it?  its another one of my hobbies and its awesome.  its like rambling or orienteering witha goal at the end. All you need to do it is a GPS handheld device, one you can plug co-ordinates into and then thats it,  the rest is free.  You see hundreds of thousands of people have hidden tupperware boxes around the globe, and these boxes  (called caches) have little trinkets inside like bouncy balls and toys for kids, some have bigger things in depending on the size of the box.  you get the co-ordinates and then you follow them to where the box is hidden.  Its an amazing way to discover new things about the area you live in.  Plus you can put stuff in the boxes you find we put a little finger puppet of fozzie bear in one of the caches and someone took him and put him in a different cache and he has hopscotched from cache to cache all over the world.  he's been to new zealand and austria and ireland and USA hes been more places than me.
I've seen some amazing places that I never knew existed like abandonned railway tunnels under a local motorway and i've seen some amazing views, been up trees, been in river beds, plus it gets you outdoors exploring. its a proper adventure.

Incidentally that last picture is me with my husband, he looks like a bit of a wild guy, but hes actually the sweetest kindest bloke I have ever met.  He even chased a mugger one time in his bare feet down the street to save our elderly next door neighbour.  He's the best thing thats ever happened to me....*coughs*....errr sorry for the mushy stuff it just sorta popped out.

We havent done geocaching for a while though and I miss it so perhaps not this weekend but next weekend we can go climb a tree for a cache or something.

Tuesday, 24 November 2009

Levelling Up

I'm a gamer.  I always have been always will be and my game of choice are RPG's.  They're role playing games often involving hundreds of hours worth of levelling up your character so you can beat some insanely powerful boss dude.  I love final fantasy games, but after I complete one I always hit a wall, you could almost call it depression and i'll tell you why.

Its not because the game is finished, although that IS sad, it is also inevitible that the game will be finished at some point.  No.  Its because after the game I will look back at all the hard work and hours i've put into the game and feel like i've wasted all that time sitting on my butt, probablyb eating rubbish food as I play the game.  I will, in my head surmise that if I had spent those 100 hours levelling up myself rather than my computer game character then I would be a better person.  100 hours worth of exercise or studying a new skill would greatly improve my life don't you think.  It always infuriates me when I think about that after a game is complete.  What I loser I think to myself.  But that has changed.

There are a lot of fitness freaks out there who are bashing Wii fit/wii fit plus as being a bad idea, saying people who use it should be out jogging the streets or being down the gym instead of playing computer games that fake the concept of getting fit.  I think these people are probably people who have never even owned a computer game consol.  They seem to say its not proper exercise.  Is that because people are laughing and having fun while they do Wii fit?  Exercise is serious right?  But I think its also a bonus if its enjoyable.  Try doing the yoga moves on the game or the hula hooping, jogging for 30 minutes or lunges, they all make your muscles burn whilst doing them, you get fitness advice, you get calorie counting and charts to plot things such as steps a day (yesterday I did 13131 steps.)  waist measurement, weight and BMI so I think its a good thing not a bad thing.  perhaps an intermediate step between sitting on the couch doing nothing and being out there doing loads real gym stuff.

The thing is getting fit now really appeals to the gamer side of me, whereas before the two sides were never compatible.  I have a gym membership, i've had it for years now, but I havent been since febrary....(note to self really really must cancel the subscription on that)....I know that one day I will be slim, but I also know for me it wont be down to going to the gym.  I hate the place with a vengence and even though I mentally tell myself that everyone in there probably hates it too but they're there because they know its the responsible thing to do for their body.  I still can't convince myself to go.  But the wii fit has changed that.  its always there in plain view so I cant ignor it.  When I sit down to veg infront of the TV if I havent done my exercising for the day I feel bad because its sitting there right infront of me.  The games are exciting and for the first time I feel like i'm levelling up myself rather than some computer character.  Its a big step in a positive direction so i'm not sure why so many people are angry at the wii fit.

I'll climb down off my soapbox now, mainly because I have to go hula-hoop

Monday, 23 November 2009


3lbs.  That'll show my body!  HA! Last week 2 of those pounds shouldn't have been there so even if we ignor the two pounds that I had put on last week thats still a significant pound I lost this week, for thats pushed me over the lost 1 stone mark.  I have a shiny sticker star from my weight watchers online chart to prove it.  I love getting stickers, they make me insanely happy, maybe i'm just insane.  But YAAAAAY *does happy dance then counts activity points of happy dance*
Its back to reality and work day today, and when I get home I have to write an essay for my open university course.  In fairness most of it is done in my head I just gotta put it all down in a document and send it off, but today is the cut off date so I cant procrastinate any further on that one I must do it tonight.  And I am also going to properly do my exercising today too.

1 stone gone 4 to go.  this time next year i'm gonna look ace. Im excited for future me already.  When I go up to the fringe festival i'm gonna wear lots of really randomly cute outfits

Like this one.  Its so pretty and when handing out flyers to people to come to our edinburgh fringe festival show it might help make our group stand out a little more.  I'm really excited about going up there and performing and I really want to look my best when up there.  Its not till august so I still have a chunk of time to at least get another stone or two ot of the way.  I'm already feeling happier in my body so another stone can only make me feel better right.  Currently I am at the weight I was when I got married over a year ago, i'm already slimmer than I was when we went on our honeymoon so that makes me happy.  If I can get to 12 stone 2 before xmas that'd put me back to where I was in march last year, that'd make me happy but theres not many weeks left till xmas now so i'm not sure that goal is doable 12 8 to 12 2 is quite a jump in such a short space of time. if it happens then yay, but if it doesnt happen its no big deal because I know that eventually it will happen.

Anyway hope everyone is having a good day and I better go to work now cause i'm late hehehe

Sunday, 22 November 2009


This weekend was full of lots of stuff.  On friday I played a half hour set at a comedy club and it went down really really well.  One guy was laughing so much he was red in the face, I thought he was going to have a heart attack. Food wise on friday I was really good which meant that the three pints of IPA I drank after my set didnt do any damage at all to my points as I had factored them in.

The weekend points went out the window really.  Me and Paul went to tunbridge wells to stay with some friends of ours just to catch up and chill out.  Its been a long time since we've just kicked back and done nothing for a weekend.  there were lots of nibbly things and chocolate and saturday night a big sunday roast type dinner was cooked and whilst theres was beer and wine a-plenty I had none of that.  I ate what was on my plate but didnt eat very many nibbly things and steered clear of the sweets although I did have one pack of cadburies buttons.  So yep pretty restrained and felt proud of myself for that.
Then sunday a large cooked breakfast in the morning, and again I ate everything on my plate but have compensated by only having some fruit and a chicken wrap for lunch (mainly cause after the breakfast it was pretty filling and wasnt that hungry afterwards)  We've only just gotten home cause the trains across london are all suffering engineering works, but now we have to go out to a football club to play some more songs, so dinner might be skipped tonight.  Not feeling overly peckish anyway.  not great eating habits this weekend but it'll be back to proper pointing and eating and exercising tommorrow.

Being away this weekend reminded me that its okay to do nothing once in a while.  My life has been so hectic for so long that I find it hard to unwind because it feels like im forgetting to do something or that I should be doing something, so its important sometimes to remember that its okay to shut yourself off from the real world for a day or so because the real world will still be there when you go back to it.  Its not going to collapse and die because you're not there for 20 minutes whilst your having a  relaxing soak in the bath or reading a book.  Being away this weekend reminded me of that, and I'm really greatful for that wake up call.

  I feel tired today but its a happy snuggly content tiredness rather than a stressed  out, about to spontaneously combust, sort of tiredness.  Tommorrow is weigh in day and like I said last week, i've just been plodding along not trying as hard as I could have been but not actually being terrible this week so I expect to at least get rid of the 2 pounds I put on last week.  Please thankyou.

Friday, 20 November 2009

Its gonna get scary

Im really excited about tomorrow, excited and scared.  I'm playing my first comedy circuit gig and its a big one.  The venue is sold out and i'm first on and I have my set list written out.  I'm going to be supporting
 JIM TAVARÉ, SIMON LIPSON, SAM STONE and DAVE THOMPSON.  Dave Thompson was the original tinky winky from the teletubbies, and jim tavere well he's pretty big actually, having been in some of the harry potter movies and had his own show and stuff.  So i'm a bit nervous to tell the truth.  Its strange how I can be so shy infront of people when I have to talk to them, but when i'm on stage i'm not shy at all.  I should really look deeper into myself to try and understand myself a little bit better on that score.

Food has gone pretty spiffy the last few days, I havent really felt all that hungry so I haven't eaten.  I know we're told to have breakfast lunch and dinner and all that, but equally if you're not hungry then you shouldn't eat for the sake of eating right?  or maybe i've got that wrong?  Either way I didnt have dinner last night because I just didn't feel like it. today I stood on the scales and i'm at my lowest BMI yet so that made me feel pretty spiffy, 33.8  I know not great but considering I was in the middle of the 35's back in september thats certainly progress. 

My cat has been wrecking the house again.  Which is causing all levels of annoyance and stress.  She's taken to weeing all over the place and if you dont keep an eye on her she'll be sneaky and pee on random things like the sofa or backpacks or clean washing or duvets.  If she isn't weeing she's throwing up.  It got to the point that I wrote a poem about her wrecking the house and it ended up getting published twice.  Once in the local newspaper, which made me smile, and now its also been published in a book, which i'm going to be getting some of the profits (if there are any profits) but i'll show you the poem anyway.

So yeah i'm not sure what to do with my cat, how to stop her wrecking the house.  Shes a lovely
 cat really shes just intent on doom, anyone who has a cat should really watch this youtube video, actually anyone who has a cat probably HAS watched this youtube video, but just thought i'd share.  It relaxes me knowing that i'm not the only cat owner out there with these sorts of problems.

But anyway wish me luck for 2moro okay.  The gig is going to be scary but unbeliveably cool.  Its like xmas but without all the wrapping paper and turkey

Wednesday, 18 November 2009


Its Top Of The wait...thats not right!  I meant it's that Time Of The Month which has me vastly relieved.  I don't have TOTM very often so I never know when its going to creep up on me, so that finally explains the 2 pounds I put on this week cause I stood on the scales today and those 2 pounds had vanished.  it also explains the feeling listless and restless that I was over the weekend. and the weepy feeling I was feeling all day monday  So yay I always feel much happier when I have an explaination for my random mood swings.

I played a gig in St Albans last night with the rrrants crew and it was very well received.  People keep coming up to me these days and saying how my voice is much stronger.  Not just one or two people but several now, but I think its more about the confidence i'm feeling getting up on stage now that i've lost a bit of weight, and the yoga i've been doing has done wonders for my posture and breathing.  next week I finish recording my album and i'm really really excited about it.  Its strange when you start a new year and you look forward to the future with some thoughts on what you'd like to achieve and I never, in a million years, saw in January that by december I would have recorded my very own album.  thats just really crazy.

I'm sorry i've been complaining about my job recently.  i'm lucky to have one really and to be honest I do love doing what I do when its not being a pain.  Everyone has their off days I guess.

this week food wise has been plain sailing really, plenty of fruit and veg in the house and planned meals means nothings taken me by surprise.  i've backed away from the booze for a bit and already feeling better for that.  now I just gotta exercise a bit more.  my pedometer has been working a  treat and i've learnt that in an average day i'm walking 12,000 steps.  I think thats a fair bit of walking without adding to that.  I'm not sure though. 

I have a new goal, do you think it's possible?  I'm currently 12 stone 9 my husbands sister is getting married in the middle of april that gives me five months.  do you think I can be 11 stone exactly by then? that would require 1 stone 9 lbs in 5 months 23lbs in 22 weeks  that should be doable right? if i stopped blogging and got on with my exercise it might be a tad quicker huh.  procrastination, if only that was a sport i'd be an olympic medalist.

Monday, 16 November 2009

2lbs on this week, you know what that means don't you...yep i'm back to 12 stone 11.  That really tricky pound just doesn't seem to want to budge. am I bovvered though?  Am I?  Well actually no, not as bothered as I normally would have been.  Normally it would be the end of the world of course.  I'd go on a comfort binge to make me feel better, which of course afterwards would only make me feel worse, and then i'd leave it another couple of weeks before attempting to eat properly again, which again would result in more damage being done before getting myself back under control.  Nope. I'm not bothered.  I clearly did something wrong last week, by which I mean, I drank too much over the course of the last week.  Real Ale really kills me.  Stupid brakspear, stupid honeydew, why do you have to be so tasty.  Its okay though i'm set to have a great week until the weekend where we're going to stay with friends in tunbridge wells and they'll try stocking me up on chocolate and sweets, but I shall resist. gotta get rid of that pesky 12 stone 11.
So 12 stone 11, its like that little animation that was popular back when I was a kid, called the cat came back...hang on lemme find it for you..a pretty persistant cat, very similar to that 12 stone 11 that wants to cling on for dear life.

In other news a friend of mine at work today was made redundant, off she went and we all watched her drive out the carpark for the last time with a strange aggitated heaviness in our hearts.  On one hand we're told our jobs are safe and on the other they've cut back on every possible expense and now they've gotten rid of tina.  That doesnt sound very safe to me. Work has been quite unbearable at the moment, I was off sick on friday so when I came in today I found all sorts of things wrong and within 5 minutes of being in the building someone was having a go at me for leaving the place in a mess.  (which I didnt) so I was feeling very low most of the day. I'm alright now.  I came home and actually went for a nap and i'm feeling much happier now. So YAY go me.  Oh and my pedometer game came only its broken.  The pedometer works perfectly but when I plug it into the DS consol it wont recognise it.  Smoo.  Ahh well never mind huh.

Sunday, 15 November 2009

Ooh not quite to plan

So anyway this weekend has been a bit of an unexpected catastrophe in terms of eating...okay so perhaps thats a bit of an exaggeration.  I mean it could have gone a whole lot worse in the way of eating, but I have been eating and picking at things no stop all weekend. (carrot sticks and snack-a-jacks and fat free yoghurt so yeah I could have done worse) I guess I can add boredom to the list of things that makes me eat.  As per my last post, my husband is still up in coventry playing with trains and since he's been gone i've felt really listless I mean I have done tonnes in terms of housework.  Housework doesnt often get done during the week because i'm at work from 8 till 5 and by the time I get home I have enough energy to make food and then thats about it.  So other than dishes I tend not to do much housework till the weekend.  So I got tonnes of that done but other than that I just couldnt concentrate on anything.  I was toying with the idea of getting on with my newest crochet project.  Earlier in the year a friend of mine asked me to make her a crochetted caravan. 
And I can tell you crochetting a caravan was an absolute nightmare, but for xmas I think i'm going  to attempt to crochet a train.  Glutton for punishment, yep thats me.  A cuddly train for my husband, that should amuse him.  But I just couldnt get the ambition and drive up enough to get started.  Im just having a low weekend in terms of  get-up-and-go I guess.
I was thinking today a lot about our self image, and how when people get a first impression of you thats what seems to stick.  When I was a kid my family moved around a lot.  My dad was a para in the army so we hopscotched all over the place for the first 8 years of my life.  moving to a new place was like routine and every time I started a new school I would always think..."hey this is great, this time round I can be clever and funny and people will like me.  I can be a whole new person"  But that never happened.  I always ended up being the quiet girl, everyone else seemed so much more confident than me. I never really had any friends I was always alone as a kid, but that improved my imagination.  I learnt to keep myself amused

Well when I lost alot of my weight (almost 9 stone) I moved from scotland to england to live with my boyfriend.  he never knew me  when I was at my biggest although he's seen pictures,  All the new people, all the new friends I made never knew big me and so I thought "hey all these people dont know the tubby me, I can be clever and confident and funny and people will like me"  And you know what.  It still didnt work, but you know what else?  Even though I still ended up being the quiet reserved girl in the background.  I learnt that people would like me just the way I was.  It would take longer for people to become my friends but that those friends would mean more than the earth to me.  They would pull me through my darkest times and enjoy the highlights of my life so far alongside me.

My self image changes from day to day, some days I wake up and I feel all hyper and happy, some days I wake up and feel energetic and wanting to run and dance, some days I feel reflective, some days I feel creative.  Some days I just dont want to get up.  Some days just really tick me off for no reason what so ever. My point is that I think its okay to feel all of these things from time to time.  I think that my self image changes like running water, its fluid and flexible and I shouldnt try to just be one thing.  I think that although i've been listless and unorganised recently thats okay, thats just a bit of who I am and who knows tommorrow when I wake up,  I'll be someone different, but i'll still be me.

Saturday, 14 November 2009

Home alone

My husband has abandonned me for the weekend to drive up to coventry to continue renovating some of his trains.  Yep, you heard me right.  Trains.  he collects them.  Not you usual little electric trains that can run round and round some track in the living room, this is full sized.  I'm sure if we could fit it in our living room my darling husband would try.  He gets me to help him every once in a while by stripping a train down or painting a roof or something.  It is ace fun and really hard work.  For some reason he always gives me tough things for a five foot woman to do, like taking down ceiling panels.

Yep he must really really love me.  But i'm digressing.  I mention him leaving me for the weekend to go do stuff to his trains.  That leaves me home alone.  This is a good thing because he has taken a lot of train junk that was actually dominating most of the house, with him...he'd kill me if he knew I'd just called it junk, its all cabling and cctv equipment and bits he's been working on restoring at home.  I'm actually really proud of him for chasing his dreams and doing something that is tricky but he loves.  What am I going to do now that he's gone though?
Well first off I have to go and do some food shopping.  Now normally when he's gone I would probably eat a cake or something equally as bad, but you know what I have my heart set on?  One of those sainsburies salad bowls you make yourself.  I have been having huge cravings for beetroot and yellow peppers and im actually excited about getting one of those, how sad is that.  But I dont want to go food shopping until the post arrives because theres a chance my new DS game will come today.  Its called My Health Coach-Manage Your Weight and it comes with a  free pedometer, and as you walk it equates that to real distances like..."you've just traversed the great wall of china" sort of thing.  I got the game primarily for the pedometer because i'm curious to know how much I walk normally in a day and then obviously up that activity to get a bit more fit. The latest wii fit plus also has a part of the stats page where you can input the number of steps you do each day so I have a bit of a thing for stats so i'm excited to get going on that.
But yeah salad bowl for dinner snuggled up under my duvet watching wolverines revenge in my pajamas sounds like a pretty awesome night.  LOL I'm such a wild punk rocker these days

Friday, 13 November 2009

So yesterday when I got home from work I had some carrot sticks with sour cream and chive dip, thinking I was being good.  I had eaten about 10 or 11 of these little carrot sticks when out of curiosity I looked at the dip's best before date and realised it was a week ago.  Now my gut is quite a sturdy beastie, but my goodness does it hurt today and I think that dip is to blame, so I am off work with severe cramps.  I'm currently curled up on the sofa in a fetal position typing this.

Last night I was singing at a rrrants gig in watford (check out and that all went down really well, people came up to me afterwards and said that I was sounding much more confident and powerful and I honestly believe that its due to a mix of feeling better in my own body and doing yoga most days so my breathing and posture are both improving.  Also the newer stage sound system probably helped LOL. 

We then tried to get into our usual pub for after the gig but it was having some cover band thing going on and they wanted 10 quid on the door to get in. considering we'd only be staying half an hour we decided to find a different pub and ended up in a yates bar where 2 drinks cost 3 quid but the place was filled with all these bizzarre creatures....I mean women...who had skirts so short it left very little to the imagination and their high heels were so high you could hear the disks in their spines contorting out of shape. I laughed at the mental imagery of me trying to wear those heels. It would result in one wobbly step then coming crashing down on my face resulting in a broken nose and a broken ankle. yet ALL of these girls were wearing heels like that and some of them were wandering back and forth on the street outside in the shoes which had longer heels than their skirts. I should point out that the street was COBBLED. Seriously if they're looking for a new olympic sport at the 2012 games then look no further. What skill.

I'm not sure but did that last part make me sound bitter? Because i'm really not. Even if I was a size 6-8 which most of these girls were, then I'd still never buy shoes that looked like they'd come out of some fetish club.  But at yates I felt like I was some kind of documenty worker observing a different species. It would be pretty cool to go out feeling THAT confident in my appearance that i wouldnt mind it was mid november and my butt cheeks were freezing, but equally if I WAS that confident I wouldnt dress that way anyway

Thursday, 12 November 2009


You know how when you feel certain things like stress or tiredness or anger or sadness then sometimes that prompts you to binge eat.  Well i've never really pinpointed at emotion until yesterday.  ANGER makes me eat.  Yep, like a horse.  Work really ticked me off yesterday I walked home in the rain on the verge of angry tears because I worked my ass off for my company and yesterday all they did was complain that I hadnt tidied up a few things.  negating the fact that I had actually done the work of about 3 people in a very quick time frame allowing us to make a client very very happy.  forget about that, instead lets focus on the fact that I didnt wash some pots up or mop the floor.  WTF!

 So yeah in the rain walking home feeling low got home and I ate.  Now I actually binged on carrot sticks and fat free sour creme dip stuff.  Which is astounding for me, but I know I was eating for the sake of eating and not because I was hungry.  then my husband suggested we go out for an indian meal and well that was game over really.  I made sensible choices like having tandoori chicken and I only ate a third of the rice.  it wasnt the food that was the problem.  It was the beer.  I had 2 king sized cobra beers and then we headed to the pub afterwards where I continued to drink 2 pints of real ale.  I cant really remember getting home, i'm so much of a lightweight now that I dont really drink anymore.  But the scales really remembered this morning what i'd been up to the night before.  So oops.  my fault, I shouldnt let work get to me like that, but I really wanted to kill something last night.

 I play computer games quite a lot and fallout 3 is one of my favourites at the moment, it really destresses me taking all my violent tendancies out on computer game characters.  I'm not psychotic or anything honest, but this youtube video is often the sort of stuff that makes me feel better about work.

Wednesday, 11 November 2009

Everyones free

You know, if you're ever feeling fragile, like life is just getting really tough and no one understands, this music video really helps.  Its an amazing song and always sends tingles up my spine when I hear it, a lot of it is just soo true to life, its really upbeat and it feels personal.  unlike most songs these days which seem to be about women singing about how hot they are.  (seriously whats that all about?)

Everyones free to wear sunscreen

I think i'm coming down with flu, either that or i'm being overworked.  Theres noone left in my work, out of 22 people theres now 11 of us and 5 of them are office staff so we have 6 people working in the lab, doing the job of about 15 people.  My boss is a complete waste of space.  he never comes in on time, if at all, and monday he always phones in work with an excuse as to why hes not coming in.  This mondays excuse (and I swear to god i am not making this up) this monday he phoned in said he was ill but that he might be in a little later, so he turned up at 3:30 (bearing in mind he's supposed to be in at 8:30) and went back on saying he was ill and changed his story to..."I fell off a trampoline and had to go to hospital"  I'm lucky I only heard that from my manager because I think if my boss had told me that to my face I would have laughed in his face.  As it was I chuckled through the remainder of the day.  I mean what was he doing on a trampoline first thing on a monday morning?  Was he walking to his car and caught sight of one out the corner of his eye and thought.."Oooh I want to have a shot on that before I go to work?" then went boing boing BANG?  I dunno but the mental imagery is very amusing.

Diet is going normally, just plodding along really, feeling happy that I am doing something about my weight finally and have set myself a mini goal of  7 pounds in 2 months.  Secretly I would like to lose it much faster than that, but if i'm being realistic im losing 1 pound a week so wanting to be at 12 stone by xmas just isnt gong to happen I need to shift 9 pounds to do that.  So i'm just gonna plod along and be patient (which is a really tricky concept for me)

Monday, 9 November 2009

Another WI and Feeling Worthy

Its weigh in day today and another pound bites the dust, bye bye 12 stone 10 sorry you didn't get the chance to stick around for i'm not sorry.  Hello 12 stone 9, I hope you depart just as quickly as your friend.

I have to tell you something I discovered last night, i've never been a touchy feely person, i'm not cold hearted or anything but I just don't actually like physical contact, well thats not true, I do like contact, I like it very much, its more of a case of when people hug me or kiss me instantly my head goes into self critical mode and I wonder what that person sees in me.

The thing is my husband is a wonderful and attentive man, but most of the time when we're getting amourous I always have a sort of freak out in my head wondering why he's with me and what he sees in such an ugly lump like me, and hes never been negative about my size ever but I just feel self conscious all the time.  Only recently my husband has been much more touchy feely than usual and well I haven't been worrying so much.

  Losing weight the proper way by eating healthy and smaller portions and exercising has given me not only a sense of achievement but has boosted the confidence I feel in my self image. and it just feels really nice, to be carressed by the one I love and who loves me and not panic that i'm fat.  I mean I am still fat, im not deluded, but already my figure has improved quite considerably (from doing a lot of wii fit exercises like yoga and hula hooping I guess)

I feel like i'm worthy of being loved and thats quite a new feeling for me.  I like it.

Sunday, 8 November 2009


You know something. I procrastinate a lot. like serious serious amounts, those of you who know me and those who have read this blog for a while, probably already know this, but serious I am really bad at putting things off and putting things off and putting things off even more. I assume that i'll have time to do everything, but you know what, thats a really dangerous assumption dontcha think. I assume i'll be around tommorrow or next week or next month or next year or next decade, but thats being really rather optimistic. People die all the time. i read the other week about a woman on holiday who was in a bar, she got drunk and fell over and she fell on a glass and cut open her armpit then bled to death, or the man whose partially sighted dog accidentally bit his finger when they were playing fetch together and the small nick got infected and a couple of days later he died because his vital organs got blood poisoning from the infected finger. The point I am trying to make is that we never know when we're going to pop off, so we shouldn't put stuff off. I have an essay to write and I have emails to send and things that are quite mundane but i've put off over and over again. I go to work and while im there I plan what I am going to do when I get home, but by the time I get home those things are out of my mind.

losing weight was a bit like that.  I would stand on the scales and see it creeping up and kept thinking I'll start a diet on monday,  then I would screw up on the monday and think okay well maybe I'll start next week, and next week would come and a little bit more weight would be on and i'd be disheartened and I'd comfort eat...cut a long story short I got heavy. I went on an extreme diet lost a lot of weight and came off the diet and started eating junk again.  Thats the situation I find myself in now.  I started putting on a lot of weight again and for once in my life, rather than procrastination I think  nipped it in the bud and now i'm feeling pretty pleased with myself, not for getting myself into this predicament in the first place but for doing something about it quicker than I normally would have done

But anyway this is my favourite recipe at the moment.  I think every sunday I shall post up a recipe I have been using,
Chicken Noodle Soup

Saturday, 7 November 2009

Cheered up

The following is something a friend sent me a long time ago, and when I feel really low I go and read it and it makes me smile, sorry for being grumpy the past few days.  Sometimes I get like that for no reason.  but I cant be perky and hyper all the time because that would be just silly.  Anyway....


I am aware that some of you might not be old enough to recall some of these - while some of you would do.
Just for a minute
Just for a minute, forget everything stressful and read this...............

Close your eyes and go back in time...

Before the Internet...
Before semi-automatics, joyriders and crack....

Before SEGA or Super Nintendo...

Way back.......

I'm talking about Hide and Seek in the park.

The corner shop. Hopscotch.




Football with an old can.


Knock down ginger
Beano, Dandy, Buster, Twinkle and Dennis the Menace.

Action Man
Roly Poly.

Hula Hoops, jumping the stream, building dams.

The smell of the sun and fresh cut grass.

Bazooka Joe bubble gum. Refreshers. Fruit Salads. Sherbet Dib Dabs.

An ice cream cone on a warm summer night from the van that plays a tune.

Chocolate or vanilla or strawberry or maybe Neapolitan or perhaps screwball.


Watching Saturday morning cartoons, short commercials or the flicks.

Children's Film Foundation, The Double Deckers, Red Hand Gang, Pugh, Pugh, Barney McGrew, Cuthbert, Dibble & Grub.

Tomorrow People, Tiswas or Swapshop?, and 'Why Don't You'? - or staying up for Doctor Who. Space 1999 ?? Catweazel, Belle & Sebastian, Robinson Crusoe

The Test Card. The Banana Splits. Captain Pugwash.

Bill & Ben ? The Magic Roundabout. John Noakes. And Shep.

When around the corner seemed far away and going into town seemed like going somewhere.

Earwigs, wasps, stinging nettles and bee stings.

Sticky fingers.

Playing Marbles. Ball bearings. Big 'uns and Little 'uns.

Cops and Robbers, Cowboys and Indians, and Zorro.

Climbing trees.

Walking to school, no matter what the weather.

Running till you were out of breath, laughing so hard that your stomach hurt.

Jumping on the bed. Pillow fights.

Spinning around on roundabouts, getting dizzy and falling down was cause for giggles.

Being tired from playing....remember that?

The worst embarrassment was being picked last for a team.

Water balloons were the ultimate weapon.

Choppers and Grifters.

Eating raw jelly. Orange squash ice pops. Vimto and Jubbly lollies

Remember when...

There were two types of trainers - girls and boys, and Dunlop Green Flash

The only time you wore them at School was for P.E.

And they were called gym shoes or if you are older - plimsoles

You knew everyone in your street - and so did your parents.

When nobody owned a pure-bred dog.
When 25p was decent pocket money

Curly Whirlys. Space Dust. Toffo's.

Top Trumps. Conkers in the playground.
When you'd reach into a muddy gutter for a penny.

When nearly everyone's mum was at home when the kids got there.

When any parent could discipline any kid, or feed him or use him to carry groceries and nobody, not even the kid, thought a thing of it.

When being sent to the head's office was nothing compared to the fate that awaited a misbehaving pupil at home.

Basically, we were in fear for our lives but it wasn't because of drive-by shootings, drugs, gangs etc.
Parents and grandparents were a much bigger threat and some of us are still afraid of them

Didn't that feel good?
Just to go back and say, Yeah, I remember that!

Remember when....

"Race issue" meant arguing about who ran the fastest.

Money issues were handled by whoever was the banker in Monopoly

The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was germs.

And the worst thing in your day was having to sit next to one.

It was unbelievable that 'British Bulldog 123' wasn't an Olympic event.

Having a weapon in school, meant being caught with a catapult.

Nobody was prettier than Mum.

Scrapes and bruises were kissed and made better.

Taking drugs meant orange-flavoured chewable aspirin.

Ice cream was considered a basic food group.

Getting a foot of snow was a dream come true.

Older siblings were the worst tormentors, but also the fiercest protectors.

If you can remember most or all of these, then you have LIVED.


Remembering some of these things really makes me smile.  I always feel happier after reading this

Friday, 6 November 2009

Into November

Well we are well and truely into the november month now and its been miserable weather every single day, but I quite like it. I love coming home and being warm and I actually quite like rain, even the icy cold sort. Puddle splashing can only be accomplished with rain you see.

I got the new wii fit plus game and I am really enjoying it I like jogging on it because you follow a cat and depending on the cat it takes you different routes qround this island and the last time I played it the cat took me up onto the rooftops of these houses. i swear it was trying to kill me. Its an evil cat. I've been feeling restless the past few days and grumpy. I'm not sure why i've been feeling grumpy, but I've also been feeling quite teary too so i'm guessing its a hormonal thing so its probably coming up for that time of the month. I've never had regular periods they've always been all over the place, the doctors blame it on my weight of course. once I get skinny that'll sort that out hopefully, I'll be relieved when that does happen because then that'll explain the crazy mood swings and then I can move on and get on with my life.

This weekend theres not much going on. I have to work all day saturday, and possibly sunday too, it depends how much I get done on saturday. Also saturday night I have a gig in rickmansworth. I am really looking forward to it because its done at an ace venue by an ace guy with an awesome sound system and everyone sings along and it makes me really hyperactive. i'm predicting however that tomoros gig will be somewhat quiet, what with bonfire parties and displays going on. I guess we'll just have to see. Our local firework display was last night and Andi came to stay and we all went and watched it and it was super awesomest. Way better than last year. So thats both bonfire night and haloween thats been better this year. I had managed to convince myself that sparklers tasted like a mixture of sherbert and popping candy. But I didnt get a sparkler so I didnt get the chance to lick one. instead when we finally got home I stayed awake for about half an hour and then crashed out like a light...lights dont crash out...I went out like a light. Paul poked me awake at half midnight, so I feel bad for not saying goodnight to andi. Ooops sorry.

Oh and yesterday was also the fortieth if anniversary of sesame street. That means cookie monster is older than my husband, which means that if cookie monster can be that animated and hyperactive so can Paul. 

Thursday, 5 November 2009

Bonfire night and feeling low


Mittens on string and stovies, thats what I remember about guy fawkes night. (stovies for anyone not scottish is kinda like a messy version of a hotpot but without the veg, its just really meat potatoes onions and gravy all sorta mashed together)  Being in the classroom at school cutting out junk and covering it in tissue paper to make fake fireworks like fountains and catherine wheels.  I love the smell after fireworks night, the air is usually crisp and clear all but for the faint smell of gunpowder.  I hope its a nice night tonight.   Bonfire night is one of my most favourite days of the year although in fairness i'm a little scared of fireworks.  but i suppose thats a good way to be, you should be respectful of them I guess, saves you accidentally blowing your face off.

I have a friend coming over tonight to watch a firwork display with me, and then we shall be going for thai food.  I'm worried about the thai food thing ( well actually I plan to have beef in oyster sauce and plain boiled rice)  But at the moment i'm really paranoid about stuffing up.  I seem to have gotten heavier this week for no reason and so im back at 12 stone 12.  I'm not sure how I managed this as I havent done anything bad since the drinking thing on the monday night but the tuesday I hadnt gained anything, but wednesday and today I seem to have put on 2 pounds.  I'm not sure where it came from and I feel kind of cheated by the whole thing.

Someone mentioned It might be some starvation thing where your body holds onto fat that it gets, but i'm not sure thats even possible is it?  I mean I went on the cambridge diet for several months and that was only eating 500 calories a day and that didnt seem to make my body hold onto fat, but on weight watchers I am not really eating all my points at all.  I got given 26 points a day cause my work is really manual and heavy lifting and such (hitting rocks with powertools and washing mud, thats right people you can make mud clean)
But Im eating ricecrispies and a banana for breakfast, for lunch having a couple of rivita with low fat philidelpha and smoked salmon on them from lunch and dinner is usually either chicken noodle soup or beef stir fry.  for treats I have an apple and a 0% fat yoghurt.  I also exercise for at least half an hour a day doing yoga and jogging and a range of aerobics exercises (mainly crunches)  So thats been my routine since september, so i'm not sure what i'm doing wrong.  i'm just going to keep doing it and hopefully my body will realise what i'm trying to achieve and co-operate.

I dont mind admitting that I feel somewhat defeated at the moment though, even though i'm going to pesevere.  My body sucks.  Bad body, go to your room

Wednesday, 4 November 2009

So yesterday was a big day in the history of my life for it was music studio recording day, and what an awesome experience that was. The guy who runs his studio has all this cool equipment with these crazy expensive mics and sound studio and he works professionally in that industry with proper artists. I was a bit worried about going cause I woke up in the morning and what with my binge drinking late the previous night my voice was shot to pieces, (seiously it took most of the morning to sellotape the pieces together) So I walked to the studo (the map made it look so much closer than it actually was, it took 30 mins of walking up a hill to get there it was actually in the next village over from where I live LOL. Still its all exercise right?, and I walked back afterwards even though he offered me a lift home.) And so the recording started. I've never recorded anything before so he explained it might be a slow learning process I wanted to record kitkat song first because I have an ace idea for a music video. Anyway I played the guitar bit through once, then I played it through again matching what I had played the first time round. then I sung the song once then I sang all the choruses a second time to lay over the top of the first ones. And that was that song done. he was really impressed that I matched the first attempts bang on first time round. He was pretty surprised actually that the first song (which he suggested would take the whole day originally) had taken an hour and a quarter to do. So we moved on and ended up recording 4 songs in total today, kitkat, weirdo, aberdeen and the beer song. So yep. Thats almost half the album recorded already. I could have done a few more but to be honest my fingers were crying out in pain they wanted to crawl away and die so I thought I best call it quits. He was also quite pleased that I wanted to sing and play my own songs rather than get him to play the guitar parts. I told him I wanted it to be authentically me. He respected that. I dont mind sounding shoddy because thats just how I am. So anyway splat the spider is well and truely on its way to completion. YAY YAY finally.

In terms of food I was really good yesterday, had rice crispies for breakfast, a salmon bagel for lunch, a plum, a fat free yoghurt and for dinner chicken fajitas with salsa and cottage cheese instead of sour cream.  So heres a question, I stand on the scales today and i'm not one but 2 pounds heavier than monday whereas yesterday when i stood on the scales after the alcohol bing the night before I hadnt changed weight.  That makes no sense to me at all.
I also got the new wii fit plus game yesterday so played that a lot, its excellent.  burned 188 calories on that yesterday cause the new game actually counts the calories so thats automatically a bonus.  Anyway I better go to work. yep I may be a recorded music artist now, but i'm still a long way off (and probably always will be) to making my music pay me money.

Tuesday, 3 November 2009

Ow my poor abused body

My liver really hurts today, all that good intention to go easy on the alcohol didn't last very long, what was worse was I didn't eat anything before the party so I was drinking on an empty stomache.  Not a clever idea people, and then I didn't eat very much of the buffet food with the exception of there was a plate of poached salmon on sticks so I ate some of those cause I think they were probably good for you.  So I barely ate a thing last night but drank 5 pints of beer.  I hurt in ways i'd forgotten I could hurt.  my poor abused liver and kidneys.  I promised them I wouldn't do this to them anymore.  its not good for me, and whats worse is today I have to go to the recording studio and record some of my songs but after a heavy night my voice is shot to pieces.  (more so than usual) so i'm not sure how successful this session is going to be.  *sighs*

but anyway heres a picture of me that was taken yesterday before we set off for the party.  I felt very fancy in this dress

Excuse the lack of smile, its not the best photo but its the only one I have.  So yes this is a good marker photo of where I am now in terms of weight. I think i'm lucky that for some reason people seem to day that I dont look like I weigh 12 stone 10 but I do.  I am going to buy this dress in the smallest size available and then when I can finall wear it I shall stand in the garden and take another picture exactly like this one and then overlay them.  Then I will laugh.
Anyway I better go and restring my guitar otherwise it wont just be my voice that sounds shoddy today.  And maybe on the way home I might beable to find a copy of the new wii fit plus game.  Exciting Exciting.  I love my wii fit.

Monday, 2 November 2009


Today is weigh in day and I can finally sat ta-ta to that 12 stone 11.  its been a pain to shed.  I don't know why it stuck around that long, hanging on for dear life, but now its gone. 12 stone 10 today, although the scales kept bobbing from12 stone 10 and 12 stone 9 I am going to say 12 10 because I must be borderline between the two, that hopefully means that getting to 12 9 next week wont be too difficult.  I guess only time will tell. 

My measurement loss is already quite surprising me, since september the 28th I have lost
Upper arm - 2.5cm
Hips -6cm
Bust -4cm
Waist -3cm
Thighs -2cm

I guess thats what doing lots of yoga and toning does to a girl. 

I found a picture of me a couple of days ago of when I was 10 and a half stone.  I remember feeling really fat back then, but looking at that picture now I can see that I was actually really slim.

See what I mean.  Super slim.  Well in comparison to what I am these days.  in that picture technically i am still overweight, actually according to the BMI calculator 10 and a half stone puts me at the top end of overweight. if I was 7 and a half stone that would put me in the middle of the healthy weight range.  I honestly believe the last time I ws 7 and a half stone I probably was 7 and a half.  Thats a crazy weight surly?  Is it even possible?  Who knows?  its going to be interesting to find out.

So how did the weekend go I hear you ask?  What with the mounds of sweets and chocolates and a buffet table that not only had chocolate cake and carrot cake (carrot cake is my weakness) it also had a chocolate fountain and ample amounts of alcohol.  Well I lost a pound this week, so that should be some indication.  I did eat carrot cake and I did eat chocolate cake.  I was even pretty much forced to dip the chocolate cake into the chocolate fountain.  I drank 3 beers but that was staggered from 3pm right through to about 9 at night, and I had one plate full of buffet food which for me mainly consisted of quiche carrot and cucumber sticks and a couple of mini bite sized pizzas.  Again I felt really proud of myself, and I got to play games like bobbing for apples and carving out pumpkins. 

It was really funny actually cause this little 7 year old boy took a shine to me and kept following me around so I started drawing pictures with him, and he seemed really surprised that I could draw really well, until eventually he asked me how old I was and I asked him how old did he think I was and he said 10 LOL LOL I said no i'm a bit older than that, and he thought for a moment and said 11?

Anyway this week I have one party tonight in london, last year I really overdid it severely. so this year i'm not going to make that mistake.  I will take pictures of my dress because it really rocks I love it soo much, only one problem and thats that its getting too big already.  I'm going to have to buy the next size down.  I just hope I can find it because I love it soo much.

Saturday, 31 October 2009

Happy Halloween

My most favourite day of the year has arrived.  Forget birthdays, forget christmas, Halloween is where it is at.  Theres no false expectations or hype, its just a day to get dressed up have a party and a laugh.  Perfect, and then bonfire night a few nights later.  I love this week it makes me so hyper I feel like i'm 5 again.  Mittens on string, baked potatoes and leaves to kick down the street.  What more could you ask for!

Today we are off to clacton for a halloween party.  i;ve been told a lot of beer and food has been brought, and the host has said I should put my diet off for a day, but you know what, whilst the old me would be tempted by that, this is more a lifestyle than a diet right?  I am not going to abstain from the food, more that I am going to make good choices.  I will drink beer but it will only be one or two not the 6 or 7 that I would usually aim for. 

I'm going to have an ace time, but more importantly when it comes to monday and I stand on the scales if I am still at the 12 stone 11 that I havent been able to shift I will feel confident that it wont be because of tonights excesses.  I hate that feeling that when you stay the same or put on weight, you can pinpoint the moment where you screwed up that week.  It just makes me feel miserable, and i'm determined not to feel like that this time round. 

So far I am actually enjoying all this healthy eating and exercise. Its really improved my mood I think.  I feel more positive about myself and about life in general (although to be honest I always feel positive about life these days because I have it pretty good in comparison to some people I know) So yeah weight loss this week would be nice, but at the end of the day i'm in this for the long haul and I know that even if it doesnt come off this week or even next week, if I keep exercising and eating properly then it will come off.

And this is blake, shes a doll I have, well I say that but I can't find her, I've been searching for months.  Shes tiny so shes easily lost but shes a vampire so I thought it appropriate to post a picture of her as a halloween thing.

So yeah happy halloween people, and good luck everyone on tackling it.

Friday, 30 October 2009

Beng stubborn

That pound just really doesn't want to shift huh, 12 stone 11,  I saw 12 stone 10 yesterday but its 12 stone 11 again today, maybe it doesnt want to leave.  Maybe it'll miss me when it's gone I don't know.

I've been really good recently in eating dinner earlier, normally me and my guy would eat at around 9 or 10 o clock at night, which is bad when you go to bed a couple of hours later, so i've been trying to have food done by 7 at the latest but last night we had a friend round and we ended up ordering chinese food, there was a mixed starter with veg spring rolls and chicken satay and prawn toast and spare ribs. I had one spring roll and that was it, and then my main I had ordered was chicken chow mein.  Now I could have picked something better I guess, but for lunch I had had 3 rivita with light philidelphia on them, for breakfast I had had banana on rice crispies, I'd also eaten one apple and a pack of snackajacks during the day and that was it.  so I thought i'd be allowed a little something nice.  Today the scales said no, so I guess not.  *sighs*

Heres a pictue I drew, the bunny is me.  Carrots have become a bit of a crutch for me, if im peckish I have a bag of sliced carrots and salsa to dip them in.  I really enjoy it, but i've run out of both at the moment.

So anyway this weekend is going to be a tricky one.  I have my friend jane coming round tonight, Im hopefully going to make ratatouille for dinner so thats safe, then 2moro I have a haloween party, again with the crazy amount of alcohol and buffet dodging.  I'm determined to do it though because that bloomin 12 stone 11 pound will shift whether it kills me.  (how much does an arm weigh, I dont really use my left one, if I loped that off it would probably make me drop half a stone huh LOL)

On monday I have my husbands works party to go to.  I have this awesome awesome dress to wear and a petticoat came yesterday that swishes underneath it.  I love it sooo much.  I will show you pictures when my darling hubby takes one of me.

Anyway HUGS to everyone on this friday,  just one more day to go till the weekened YAY YAY