Sunday, 15 November 2009

Ooh not quite to plan

So anyway this weekend has been a bit of an unexpected catastrophe in terms of eating...okay so perhaps thats a bit of an exaggeration.  I mean it could have gone a whole lot worse in the way of eating, but I have been eating and picking at things no stop all weekend. (carrot sticks and snack-a-jacks and fat free yoghurt so yeah I could have done worse) I guess I can add boredom to the list of things that makes me eat.  As per my last post, my husband is still up in coventry playing with trains and since he's been gone i've felt really listless I mean I have done tonnes in terms of housework.  Housework doesnt often get done during the week because i'm at work from 8 till 5 and by the time I get home I have enough energy to make food and then thats about it.  So other than dishes I tend not to do much housework till the weekend.  So I got tonnes of that done but other than that I just couldnt concentrate on anything.  I was toying with the idea of getting on with my newest crochet project.  Earlier in the year a friend of mine asked me to make her a crochetted caravan. 
And I can tell you crochetting a caravan was an absolute nightmare, but for xmas I think i'm going  to attempt to crochet a train.  Glutton for punishment, yep thats me.  A cuddly train for my husband, that should amuse him.  But I just couldnt get the ambition and drive up enough to get started.  Im just having a low weekend in terms of  get-up-and-go I guess.
I was thinking today a lot about our self image, and how when people get a first impression of you thats what seems to stick.  When I was a kid my family moved around a lot.  My dad was a para in the army so we hopscotched all over the place for the first 8 years of my life.  moving to a new place was like routine and every time I started a new school I would always think..."hey this is great, this time round I can be clever and funny and people will like me.  I can be a whole new person"  But that never happened.  I always ended up being the quiet girl, everyone else seemed so much more confident than me. I never really had any friends I was always alone as a kid, but that improved my imagination.  I learnt to keep myself amused

Well when I lost alot of my weight (almost 9 stone) I moved from scotland to england to live with my boyfriend.  he never knew me  when I was at my biggest although he's seen pictures,  All the new people, all the new friends I made never knew big me and so I thought "hey all these people dont know the tubby me, I can be clever and confident and funny and people will like me"  And you know what.  It still didnt work, but you know what else?  Even though I still ended up being the quiet reserved girl in the background.  I learnt that people would like me just the way I was.  It would take longer for people to become my friends but that those friends would mean more than the earth to me.  They would pull me through my darkest times and enjoy the highlights of my life so far alongside me.

My self image changes from day to day, some days I wake up and I feel all hyper and happy, some days I wake up and feel energetic and wanting to run and dance, some days I feel reflective, some days I feel creative.  Some days I just dont want to get up.  Some days just really tick me off for no reason what so ever. My point is that I think its okay to feel all of these things from time to time.  I think that my self image changes like running water, its fluid and flexible and I shouldnt try to just be one thing.  I think that although i've been listless and unorganised recently thats okay, thats just a bit of who I am and who knows tommorrow when I wake up,  I'll be someone different, but i'll still be me.

4 comments:

Dayne Gingrich said...

Gr8 post, especially your last sentence:

"I think that although i've been listless and unorganised recently thats okay, thats just a bit of who I am and who knows tommorrow when I wake up, I'll be someone different, but i'll still be me."

Just let you be you, and allow the results to come naturally.

As I read, I feel as if there isn't a big "incentive" with your goal setting. What are your "why's?" What's your driving force behind your weight loss?

I hope that didn't sound critical... it wasn't mean to AT ALL! (Sometimes, words can't indicate the tone).

Your strong incentive will automatically take care, and get rid of the bad days, when they come. Sure, you won't always stay on track... but if the incentive is strong enough... it'll always get you back on target ~ ALWAYS!!

Again, gr8 post!

Dayne

Slimming Sammy said...

Thanks for that. My incentive is just feel good about myself, to be confident with my body. To look good for my husband, because although he doesnt complain that i'm overweight, I'm sure that if he knows I am improving myself for myself and for him then he will appreciate me even more than he already does.

I also have a major music festival I am going to be playing a solo set at in August and I plan to wear a very pretty slim dress when I get up on stage. I WILL look awesome.

I have goals and I know that I will have bad days, but equally I know I cant let a few steps backwards stop me from winning the race.

Carly said...

Sammy, thank you again for your kind comment on my blog. I've come over to have a read of yours, and now can't stop reading!

9 stone! Blimey - that's an absolutely incredible achievement.

You are an inspiration.

Am off to read some more, thank you again xx

Friend of the Bear said...

Hi. What a wonderful post! Great that you are so at ease with yourself. I think that's amazing.

And I don't think you should be down on yourself at all for not having got some things done - doing all that housework is quite an achievement.

Hope you have a great week ahead,
Bearfriend xx